» Stephanie Earp

My apologies to the pig farmers, but let's be honest: it's one thing to call this H1N1 when it's a distant threat, but when it gets personal, swine is the operative word.

I've got it. It's unpleasant to admit it - like copping to smoking - but there's the truth. I've been sick for over a week, and if you or someone you know has been sick that long, chances are it's the swine flu. Sorry to break it to you. I know you're probably trying to pretend it's just a cold. I did that for the first four days.

Sick for a week! I haven't been down like this since I was kid. And usually, when I'm down, I'm out. I sleep like the dead, emerging only for a few prime-time can't-miss shows. But this swine flu is a festering little bug - I'm confused, cranky and highly contagious but not knocked out enough to sleep the day away. Which brings me to my thesis: daytime TV.

Peak Season (October 19, 10 pm, MTV)

This new doc series premieres tonight, with an introduction to most of the major players in the snowy soap. Cameras follow a group of kids - in their early 20s, as is the case up in Whistler - who work the slopes and bars in Whistler as they get together and break up. It's like 'The Hills' on ice.

This season, some of TV's heaviest hitters have resurfaced with new roles and new shows. How will it pan out for our small-screen darlings? Will it be a full-fledged comeback (Alec Baldwin), a nice way to make a living for a few seasons (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) or a mere blip (Matthew Perry)? Here's my handicap.


Patricia Heaton returns in 'The Middle'
(Premieres Wednesday September 30th, 8:30 pm, ABC)

Type Cast? Heaton plays a flustered, harried mom in small town America, with a husband who helps out mostly with cutting remarks. And yet, this role is a big improvement over Debra on 'Raymond'.

I've never really understood art. But on a trip to New York, I did my dutiful rounds of the big museums and discovered a painter I really dig. His name was Henry Darger, and he was a recluse who devoted his life to writing the epic story of the Vivian Girls. The Vivian Girls were children who fought some kind of evil force in the world. By all accounts, this book sucks. But as an aide-memoire, Darger also drew and painted scenes from his book, and these pieces are astounding. I bought a few postcard reproductions and I keep them over my desk to remind me that sometimes, you're not making the art you think are.

I like Darger a lot - but I would never want to watch a TV show about his life.

Sometime in the early 2000s, Tyra Banks had the idea for a competitive reality show that would crown a new supermodel. Back when the second season was debuting, she told me the idea came to her while she was staring out of the large picture window in her living room. I, too come up with my best reality television show ideas while staring into blank space, but unfortunately I don't have Tyra's credibility or connections, and my knitting competition show has yet to debut.