Kathy Griffin, Carl Reiner and Brad Garrett were just a few of the stars featured in last night's hilarious 'Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers.'The roasters took a number of jabs at Rivers' age, body and face -- enough to get back at anything she's ever said on the red carpet.
What were the night's best quotes? Check out some of the highlights below.
WARNING: The content you are about to read is intended for mature audiences only. If you are easily offended, please discontinue reading.
"Joan had a difficult choice to make: whether to do this roast, or be the fifth celebrity to die this month."
- Jeffrey Ross
"You were my great-great-great grandmother's favorite comedian. Who knows? Maybe next year, we'll roast the younger Rivers. Of course, I'm talking about the Amazon and the Euphrates."
- Jeffrey Ross
"You are a thief ... You stole my act, you stole my gays and you stole the face of the Burger King."
- Joan Rivers on Kathy Griffin
- Jeffrey Ross
"Who's your plastic surgeon, Tim Burton? Oh my God. Kanye West's mom had a better plastic surgeon!"
-Jeffrey Ross
"Joan Rivers has done some TV. I actually recently just saw her vagina on an episode of 'The Deadliest Catch.'"
- Whitney Cummings
"I had a terrible, terrible nightmare last night. I was at my mother's funeral. The worst part was I was 75."
- Melissa Rivers
"Look at Joan. I've always wanted to know what Ivana Trump would look like if she was dating Chris Brown."
- Whitney Cummings
"You used to look your age. Now, you don't even look your species!"
- Greg Giraldo
"When Joan was born, the doctors took a look at her and said 'Holy ****! We're gonna make a fortune on this one!'"
- Kathy Griffin
Reader Comments (2)
Bernie at 9:09AM on Aug 11th 2009
Kudos to Joan Rivers for being honest about the effects of hysterectomy! In the new book about hysterectomy, THE H WORD, Chapter 48 is titled "Joan Rivers"Liars: hysterectomy didn't improve sex life." You can read more about how hysterectomy ruins sex at hersfoundation.org.
Marc at 3:08AM on Aug 16th 2009
Joan Rivers roast was childish, immature,hateful and racist without an ounce of cleverness. It was embarrassing, tasteless and just plan old disgusting . And you people call yourself comedians what a joke!! Threes a lot of educated humorous jokes to use this was just so not creative at all. I guess you really have to be smart to making me laugh. The whole event was totally devalued!!